Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
