Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
