if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
