He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize