Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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