for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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