i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
