one two three fourrrrnication!
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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