dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
