Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
this will be a night to untag.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
