Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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