guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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