I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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