girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
