My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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