trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
