i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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