Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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