she sounds like chewbacca in bed
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
