we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
