I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
