I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
