But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
