i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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