all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
