I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
