these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
