I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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