Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
