careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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