Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I puked a lego.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
