I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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