The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize