The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
