Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
