you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm jealous of your bromance
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
