I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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