I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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