I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
