how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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