i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
