I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
