haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize