I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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