Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
