I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
be right there i have to get my cape
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
