I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
