i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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