uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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