You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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