he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
