Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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