he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
