CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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