i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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