I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
