Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
