Nicole vs. Life
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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