The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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