4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
how drunk are you?
Several
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
