There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
im holly from the hills drunk
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
