My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
