then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
