As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
