My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
