maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
