your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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