i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
