i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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