i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
