I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
