I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
3pm strippers are depressing
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Damn victory sex feels great
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize