Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
