I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
