Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
