I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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