put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
