I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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