You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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