made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
