You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
