Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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