no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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