Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
