She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
