i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
