I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
