i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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