After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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