im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize