Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
