the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
