im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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