I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
