I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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