i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We need a shit load of segways right now
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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