I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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