I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize