You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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