My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You're like the curious george of whores
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
