My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
