i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
