i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
