reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think a kid would responsible me up
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
