Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
