well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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