I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
