Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
