oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
