This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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