tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
