when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
