Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
