I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So here I am, sexting at work.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
