I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
then he tried to convert me to islam
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
